when I started this blog five years ago, I was a pet sitter and the name animal-crackers made sense. now I'm a stay-at-home-dad and freelance writer, but rather than confuse everyone by getting a different blog, it's just easier to keep posting things here.
Friday, July 27, 2007
they - ahem - well they...
"Can I show you something on my bottom?" he asked.
"Nothing," he said. "I want to show you something down here."
Um, okay. He pulled down his pants and pointed to his testes and said, "These are kidneys, right?"
"What are they?" he asked.
"Those are your testes."
"Testes," he repeated. "What do they do?"
"Ah, well they ... ah ... you see it's kind of complicated..."
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Monday, July 16, 2007
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Monday, July 02, 2007
holy freaking cow
I bet that jury feels stupid now!
Seriously though, lying to federal prosecutors and grand juries is such a non-crime. I mean, everyone does it. Are they going to throw everyone who lies under oath in jail?
The prisons would be overwhelmed with liars, whose pants of course would be on fires.
I remember the first time I lied to federal prosecutors. It was a sunny day in March and I had just finished selling half a kilo of black tar heroin to Dick Cheney. Damn he was mad for that shit. Dick would grunt like a pig and rub his eyes a lot when he was crashing. It was kind of funny, actually.
But I digress. And now I forgot my point.
What I'm trying to say is the White House is inundated with murders, rapists and pedophiles. Prosecuting perjurers is frivolous. It's a waste of taxpayers' money. (Unlike Dick Cheney's crack habit, which keeps him surprisingly mellow.)
Liars of the world unite!