when I started this blog five years ago, I was a pet sitter and the name animal-crackers made sense. now I'm a stay-at-home-dad and freelance writer, but rather than confuse everyone by getting a different blog, it's just easier to keep posting things here.

Scientists say the White House has ham-handedly censored and edited their material based on political goals. Specifically, officials are covering up the fact that Big Oil is behind global warming.

That's ridiculous. Big Oil warms our cars, our homes and our hearts.

Second, the scientists' main bitch is that their articles must be approved by non-scientists. But what the scientists fail to understand is that these non-scientists represent the will of the people. And the people's will is skeptical of smarty-pants.

Besides healthy skepticism is the hallmark of good science.

Let's look at some examples.

A scientific article titled "Ozone Depletion and its Effects on Global Warming" was changed to "Ozone Depletion and its Effects on Egg Warming." Throughout the publication, "globe" and "global" were replaced by the words "egg" and "tax-and-spend liberal".

Now it's true that scientists have not proven ozone warms eggs and tax-and-spend liberals. But they have not disproven it either. And the globe, eggs and liberals share the same general shape.

Ergo, not only is the new title not inaccurate -- it's in the same ballpark.

Another article, "The Aliter of Chrono-Synclastic Infundibulum Accumilation of Petroleum Parasupial Malframes and its Effects on Marginal Market Deficient Alliterations."

Now what the heck does that mean? White House skeptics shortened it to, "Tax-and-Spend Liberal Eggs Benedict With Hollandaise on the Side."

True, it's nonsensical. But so was the non-approved title. Plus the White House version is a near-anagram of the first. So, scientifically, it's close enough.

What it boils down to is this: scientists feel they are smart because they spent thousands of hours earning their degrees and studying specific topics.

All the White House skeptics are saying is, "We are not as un-retarded as you think we are."

Rather than bitch, the scientists need to take advantage of the American way and elect themselves a scientist president -- which could include anyone who graduated college with a C+ or better average. Or they should shut up and move to France.