when I started this blog five years ago, I was a pet sitter and the name animal-crackers made sense. now I'm a stay-at-home-dad and freelance writer, but rather than confuse everyone by getting a different blog, it's just easier to keep posting things here.
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Frank and Felix
Frank is a weimaraner. He lives with Felix the long-haired Persian cat. They share a bizarre world.
Frank and Felix's house is decorated top-to-bottom in early American cowboy. Saddles and various equestrian equipment. Rough-hewn Southwestern style furniture. Cowboy lamps and lampshades. Metal star ornaments. Leather picture frames adorned with metal longhorn and cowboy boot images. Several shelves are filled with books on cowboy history, cowboy philosophy, cowboy recipes, cowboy pictures, oh and Will Rogers.
The kitchen cabinets are packed with cowboy-themed plates, saucers, flatware, mugs, tumblers, glasses, napkins, napkin holders. They have little leather cup cozies made to look like cowboy boots.
I should not begrudge another person their taste in home decor. To each their own. But at the center of all this cowboy crap is a HUGE portrait -- probably 4 feet high -- of a very old, very miserable-looking Native American man holding an even more miserable-looking child. They both look like they just slept in a US Army-issued small-pox bed set.
It's the very first thing you see when you enter the front door. What are these people thinking? Is this some bizarre tribute to the people who were slaughtered so the cowboys could graze their herds and eventually build a country full of leather-boot-cup cozies?
That's just the beginning of Frank's weird world. Every morning and evening, he has a dinner ritual. We put two tablespoons of wet dog food in a mixing bowl. Add ½ teaspoon of green herbal crap. Add ¼ teaspoon of brown herbal crap. Add 2½ teaspoons of some other brown herbal crap. Add the contents of two herbal capsules. Mash well.
Then mix with 1 cup of dry dog food and serve. Yum.
Felix, however, gets some dry food. I suspect it's what he deserves for scratching the collection of cowboy candles.
Frank and Felix's house is decorated top-to-bottom in early American cowboy. Saddles and various equestrian equipment. Rough-hewn Southwestern style furniture. Cowboy lamps and lampshades. Metal star ornaments. Leather picture frames adorned with metal longhorn and cowboy boot images. Several shelves are filled with books on cowboy history, cowboy philosophy, cowboy recipes, cowboy pictures, oh and Will Rogers.
The kitchen cabinets are packed with cowboy-themed plates, saucers, flatware, mugs, tumblers, glasses, napkins, napkin holders. They have little leather cup cozies made to look like cowboy boots.
I should not begrudge another person their taste in home decor. To each their own. But at the center of all this cowboy crap is a HUGE portrait -- probably 4 feet high -- of a very old, very miserable-looking Native American man holding an even more miserable-looking child. They both look like they just slept in a US Army-issued small-pox bed set.
It's the very first thing you see when you enter the front door. What are these people thinking? Is this some bizarre tribute to the people who were slaughtered so the cowboys could graze their herds and eventually build a country full of leather-boot-cup cozies?
That's just the beginning of Frank's weird world. Every morning and evening, he has a dinner ritual. We put two tablespoons of wet dog food in a mixing bowl. Add ½ teaspoon of green herbal crap. Add ¼ teaspoon of brown herbal crap. Add 2½ teaspoons of some other brown herbal crap. Add the contents of two herbal capsules. Mash well.
Then mix with 1 cup of dry dog food and serve. Yum.
Felix, however, gets some dry food. I suspect it's what he deserves for scratching the collection of cowboy candles.
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